"That Mom"

It’s amazing how being a Mama shapes and molds the person you were into a brand new, improved version! I am the happiest I’ve ever been and when I look back at my past there is only one thing I find myself thinking about and realizing… the type of Mama I want to be. I remember in my younger years, thinking about the cool, understanding and lenient Mama I was going to be. Yeah right. I am now recognizing the truth of the Mama that I want to and will be now and forever. I am going to be “That Mom” , as I so lovingly refer to it. We all knew “That Mom” when we were growing up. “Of course you can go to Tim’s house Ty, just wait and I’ll call his Mom to make sure it’s okay.” “Absolutely you can spend the night with Tonya, Taylor. Hold on and I’ll call her Mom and then I’ll walk/drive you over there myself.” You think I’m kidding, but I’m not. “You want to go to the movies with Justin, Taylor? Okay, Daddy and I will be ready in just a minute; we’ve been wanting to see that movie too!!” Field trips, vacations, sports outings and slumber parties, I’ll be there for them all. And feel free to send your kids to my house, because there will be fun activities for them! I will rent water slides, movies, have great food and fun for all! And you won’t have to worry about drinking, smoking or anything else going on at my house… I’m just not that cool of a Mama!!

I can hear it now, people saying to me “You have to let them LIVE sometime.” How right you are. That’s exactly what my goal is in life. To have them LIVE. I can’t control the good Lord’s plan for me or my children, but I can do my absolute best to keep anything unnecessary or stupid from happening to them as long as I have the ability. You see, in August my Ty is going to start school. 3K!! Wow! I am worried sick and completely unready for this transition in our lives. My children are not just kids to me. They are what keeps me breathing, they are what keeps my heart going, and they are the most precious gifts that God could ever trust me with. I plan on honoring those gifts and being “That Mom” for as long as possible. This means going to the school every chance I have and being completely and entirely involved in every aspect of my baby’s lives.

I hope Ty and Taylor will look back at this one day, when they’re in the position that I am in right now and say they will do these things, not TO their children, but FOR their children. God did not give me these little lives to disregard them or to be selfish toward them. God gave me these babies so that I would see what life truly is. For 23 years, my life was only about me, but that’s not life. Life is living for another. Life is having so much love in your heart that it feels at times like it might just explode! Life is family, and there is nothing more important or wonderful than my family. I will protect my family as long as I live, and if protecting them means being “That Mom”, it sounds like a wonderful person to be!

"I like her a lot"

When choosing a book to read before nap time yesterday, Ty chose to look through a small album of my wedding pictures. We were having a good time, pointing and saying the name of everyone he knew in the photographs. As we flipped through the pages, we came across a picture of my Aunt Deborah. A special woman to my heart. She helped raise and mold me. And she went very suddenly to the Lord on April 5, 2008. Above is a program from her services... I have it everywhere I go. Upon seeing her picture he said, “Mama, who is that?” I said, “That’s Aunt Deborah.” He said, “She’s so cute, I like her a lot.” And, of course, I started to cry. What a special woman she was. Like a second mom to me. I always wanted my children to know her and love her like I did growing up. To hear my son say this, was one of the most precious moments in my life. I have a feeling I know someone up in Heaven who is looking down, smiling at me as a write this. Just reliving the sound of his little voice saying “I like her a lot” has me in tears all over again. Happy tears…. Sad tears….Hurting tears… This isn’t going to be a long entry. There’s nothing more to say. My son said it all.

Don't Make Women Like That Anymore

Women have changed and been molded into the ever changing society over the years. Many women today want to be the strong business type. Well I grew up in a small town with a large family, and I can tell you exactly who I want to be, and it has nothing to do with business or my career. I want to be the strong “family” type. If you were lucky enough to have one of these women in your life, someone to show you the person you would like to become, you are truly blessed. If you have not had a role model like this in your life, let me tell you about mine so that you can understand exactly what I am talking about.

The strong “family” type works hard for her family. Not for the gratification or for the money, but for the love and happiness that she makes for them. She cooks 3 meals a day for her family, and whether 2 or 20 show up, somehow there is always enough food for every last one. Every single person in the family thinks that they are her favorite, because that’s how she treats everyone, equally with her love, kindness, and affection. (And by the way, I was really her favorite.) She’s not naïve to the ways of the world, or the way her family lives in it, but she believes in every last ones ability to be the best person they can be. Even though she’s never had a lot of money, at Christmas time, there is a present for every single member of her family under the tree. Kind words are the only ones you ever hear her say. You can talk to her about anything and tell her everything knowing that you will not be judged and it will not be repeated. She may have to say an extra prayer for you that night, but that’s her way. She trusts and believes in God. She knows His way is the only way and trusts her life and her family to Him. She goes to church on Sunday, and hopes you will too, but if you’re not there she will not hold it against you. She loves you and prays for you just the same. When it comes to the end of her precious and touching life, she is not afraid or regretful. It is peaceful and calm, because you know exactly where she’s going and how happy she will be to get there. At the same time, it breaks your heart, because you have lost her. It’s hard to lose a beacon of light in a constantly darker world, to lose an angel.

Some people reading this already know the person I am writing about, some of you do not. Her name was Dorothy Rudean Horton, my grandmother. She left this world over 7 years ago, but for the hearts of her family and those who knew her, she lives every single day. She was the strongest most loving person I have ever known and probably ever will know. She lived and fought for her family every day she was alive and even now, it’s evident that we all still feel her loving and fighting for us. When I think of who I want to be, with my husband, children and grandchildren, she is the person I’ve always wanted to be. I can see her ways passing on to my parents, and I pray that she lives in me a little more every day. Because that’s the person I want to be, the strong “family” type. I won’t take a career with me when I’m gone, but the legacy of a strong family will not only go with me, but will live on forever. Thank you Granny, for showing me what a mother and grandmother is supposed to be. My love for you cannot be measured.

Losing Logan

Not too many people, unless you know me pretty well, know this about me, but I have been pregnant 3 times. Ty was my first pregnancy and Taylor was my last pregnancy. In between I was pregnant with Logan. Here’s Logan’s story… every little soul deserves their own story to be told.

When I found out I was pregnant with Ty, it was a very important moment in my life, obviously. You go from being one person to being Mommy. You are so consumed with this little person inside of you! For the longest time, I wasn’t sure if I was having morning sickness or just nerves! But there’s no feeling like it. It cannot be explained or described, only experienced. Ty was born, and I was so devoted to this little man. Your love for your child is another thing that cannot be explained or described, only experienced. I was so dedicated to this little guy that had blessed my life, that I was about 7 weeks pregnant before I knew what was going on! I look back now and smile because I was a wreck! I remember being at my parents, it was Christmas eve, when I finally took a pregnancy test. My 5 ½ month old son was crawling around the living room, and I was finding out that he was going to have a little brother or sister! AHHHH! I wasn’t too happy at that moment. I called Aaron to tell him, and he was ecstatic, which shocked me even more. He said he was happy the kids were going to be so close in age and that he was looking forward to it. Me, I still wasn’t overjoyed, but the shock was wearing off and I was getting more used to the idea. Christmas went by, we told our close friends and family of our newest little surprise we were expecting and slowly began to plan and dream of this new little person that was coming. I scheduled my first doctor appointment, which I would be about 11 weeks along for, and excitement began to take the place where anxiety had once been. Aaron and I had already decided, boy or girl, this baby would be named Logan.

I started off this pregnancy with morning sickness of course, but to my surprise that only lasted about a week or so. I was SO excited, because it lasted much longer with Ty! The Friday before my doctor appointment, which was that Monday, I went shopping for a new outfit. I bought two new maternity shirts and a March of Dimes keychain at Motherhood. I loaded Ty up in the car and headed home. I stopped by Wal-Mart to get a few things and of course headed to the bathroom first thing. This is where I was met with the disturbing fact something might be wrong. I immediately called the doctor office who told me to head there right away. I called Aaron and he was on his way to meet me before I could get the words out that something might be wrong. The entire way to the doctor, I never cried, I only prayed and hoped. God has his reasons for everything, I know. I met Aaron at the doctor office and waited for what felt like an eternity. I remember the doctor coming in and doing the ultrasound. She was really quiet. Too quiet. She explained a few things to me, which I just remember replying “okay”, “okay” over and over again. Then she told me I had lost the baby. I had lost Logan. I didn’t cry. I just said “okay” again. She left the room, I looked at my Aaron, and I fell apart. The next few days were really hard. A miscarriage is a hard thing to go through, emotionally and physically. I was in a lot of pain. I remember when the physical pain would subside the emotional pain would come back. I told Aaron one time when he asked how I was that “my heart hurt”. My heart still hurts for Logan. Boy or girl doesn’t really mean a thing. That baby was my Logan. A mother’s heart always knows her children, and I knew and loved that baby.

I know many women can relate to what I’m saying. I know I am blessed with two beautiful children, and that is more than some people can say, but it doesn’t make the pain any less for my Logan. I pray that other women who have gone through this and those who will go through this, have the beautiful understanding that I have in my heart. God has a reason for it all. I was meant to shape and form my Ty and Taylor, and Logan was meant to be with Him. My little angel awaiting me on the other side. I look forward, when I move on from this life, to seeing many loved ones who have gone before me. I can imagine them standing there holding my Logan. Then it will be my turn to hold that angel baby. I can’t wait.

Rock the Baby

I have decided to write a book. Call me crazy if you want, but I think it would be very informative for Mommy’s and Daddy’s!! With all the new “parenting rules” and “regulations” that new books seem to reiterate over and over again, I think there’s a need for a book that truly gratifies the parent’s heart. My book shall be called Rock the Baby. Call me crazy, but isn’t that what every parent wants and deserves to do? The chapters will go as follows:

Chapter 1: Let them be little

Chapter 2: Rock them to your heart’s content

Chapter 3: Sleeping with you is okay, if that’s what YOU want

Chapter 4: Sleeping with you is okay, if that’s what THEY want

Chapter 5: “Crying it out” is for the birds!!

Chapter 6: Let them eat on THEIR schedule… When they’re hungry!!

Chapter 7: Sleep is overrated!! If they want to be up, stay up with them!! Get all the time with them you can!

Chapter 8: If they LOVE their pacifier or bottle, let them have it! I promise they won’t graduate from high school with it in their mouths! (And those baby teeth are going to fall out anyway!)

Chapter 9: If they love a special blanket, cup or stuffed animal, it doesn’t mean they’re “needy”… once again, I promise they won’t carry it to their high school graduation.

Chapter 10: And this bears repeating… ROCK THEM TO YOUR HEARTS CONTENT!

This book may not be perfect for everyone, but it sure does make my heart and soul feel better than those other “parenting” books out there!! If anyone wants a copy when I’m done, just let me know!

Your Defining Moment

I saw someone write about a moment that defined their life and who they were. After reading their particular moment that defined them, I started thinking about mine. Though there are many moments in a person’s life that molds and shapes the person they become, there is a moment that sticks out clearly in my mind. Here is my major moment and the small ones leading up to it.

As many of you know, Aaron and I met on a cruise. Sounds a little farfetched when you first hear that, but it was, looking back, the most important time in my life. One of the first things almost anyone remembers about Aaron is that smile. The one he shows when he’s having a good time, when he’s really proud or really excited. That was probably the first thing that I really fell in love with. To this day, that smile lights up my world. We met on the first day of the cruise, but it took a few days for us to really zero in on one another. We became fast friends just talking about who we were really, and what we wanted out of life. One afternoon, while in the room getting dressed for dinner that night, Aaron called the room and asked if we could go for a walk. Of course I said yes!! Aaron came to the room and off we went, up to a place on the deck where many conversations were had between us. It was small talk all the way out to the deck, but when we got there Aaron’s voice changed and took on a more serious tone. He turned to me and looked me dead in the eyes…This is my moment guys! Aaron, in a VERY firm voice, looked at me and told me that he really liked me and wanted to continue getting to know me. Then he gave me a strong warning, that this meant just me and him. He wanted my concentration and devotion only to him while we got to know one another, and he would do the same for me. No talking to other guys on the cruise or at home. I was 18 years old, and to many who hear this story, Aaron sounded a little crazy after only knowing me about 2 days, to ask me to completely concentrate on him and only him, but I just remember looking up and saying yes, that was what I wanted too. Then he took my face in his hands and kissed me for the first time. That was THE defining moment that shaped my life. Aaron and I have been together ever since. No break-ups and no serious fights. It didn’t take us long to figure out that there was no person or thing worth us not being together. I love and need this man like the very air I breathe. He is my safe place, my best friend, my everything, and all because of that defining moment in time! That moment led to our marriage, our home and the birth of our beautiful children… all of this because of one moment in time where we decided to be together.

That’s my moment guys!! What’s yours?

I remember when I was pregnant with Ty man. I recall saying “you guys mark my words; this little guy is going to be a handful”. Well, that was 2 ½ years ago, July 2, 2007 and since then, boy has my little Ty man been a handful! I should have known after 14 hours of labor, and I had only dilated to 4 cm, that I had a stubborn little guy on my hands! The first few months of Ty’s life went by like a breeze. I thought, “Man, this is easier than I thought it would be.” Ty was rarely sick and just a joy to be around. Then March of 2008 came, Ty was only 8 months old and he became REALLY sick!! I took him to Dr. Martin, our pediatrician, (who I HIGHLY recommend) who took one look at him and knew he would be admitted to the hospital… and he was… with the flu. That may seem insignificant, and it might have been, if only that were the only story I had to tell. When Ty was 1 ½, he was out playing with Daddy and fell on concrete where he hit his head. We spent that night in the PICU with a skull fracture and a severe concussion. Do you see where I’m going with this? Right before Ty turned 2 years old, he was having severe stomach pains, which urgent care put off as a stomach virus. When this “stomach virus” only got worse, we were off to Dr. Martin again. Thank goodness for Dr. Martin. Ty was diagnosed with intussusception of the bowels. A very hard diagnosis to make, but a situation that is deadly without treatment. Do you see why I always recommend Dr. Martin? So in less than 2 years, that is 3 hospital stays. I thought I would pull my hair out! But even with all of these things happening to my precious Ty man, I still told Aaron, my husband, how very blessed we are. While some people may wonder where God is during those difficult times, I am thankful, because I know He is right there with me. He pulled my little man through each and every time. His Grace saved Ty from a very serious injury and a sickness that has killed many children.

You may wonder why I am choosing now, over half a year later to remember these things and write them down. The reason is because the Lord has saved us once again. On Monday afternoon, Ty was outside playing with his Dad. He came in to ask me a question and I sent him back out to Aaron. What I regret is not following him to make sure he went straight to his Daddy. Aaron did not see Ty come back out. What happened next makes me nauseated just to think about. I heard Aaron scream my name from outside, and there is Ty, choking and having trouble breathing. Ty had taken the charcoal lighter fluid from beside our grill, and he had drank it. We’re not sure how much he had, but he had choked and aspirated the liquid down into his lungs. I called Poison Control while Aaron stayed with Ty. It took half an hour for the coughing and choking to subside, and the wonderful lady at the poison control center told us he was not in danger unless he started having trouble breathing and running fever within 24 hours of the incident. Those 24 hours came and went, and last night when I went to put Ty to sleep I realized he had a fever. I decided he should sleep with me and Aaron. As the night went on his breathing got worse to where he was almost gasping. I checked his temperature again and it was 102. I called Poison Control again and was instructed to take him directly to the emergency room and that they would call and tell the ER that I was on my way. After a chest x-ray to make sure the lighter fluid had not compromised Ty’s lungs, the doctor told us that Ty was going to be just fine. He said he thought that the lighter fluid only irritated Ty’s lungs and did not cause a toxic infection. He sent us on our way with an inhaler for Ty’s wheezing and breathing issues until his lungs are back to 100%. As I sit here writing this, Ty is taking a nap in the other room. I can only imagine how tired his little 2 ½ year old body is after going through all of that and not getting any sleep last night. Please everyone, put your lighter fluid away!! Ours will always be put away from now on, and not just left beside the grill. Ty poured it into a cup before he drank it, and I’m sure it just looked like water to him, but it can be deadly if inhaled into the lungs!! I’m writing this as not only a warning to all parents, but as a PRAISE to God for looking over us! Thank you Lord! Through You all things ARE possible and I am forever grateful for Your presence in our lives and our hearts!!

Growing Up to Be Mommy

Ever since I was a little girl, I dreamed of "growing up to be Mommy". A lot of you women know what I mean. Some girls dream of fame and fortune or being a business woman, while others, like me, dreamed of having little angels that would call me Mommy. I carried my baby dolls around as a child. They each had a name, and they each were special. They were the dream. One day they would become reality. Created by me and my prince charming. This would be the perfect life. Then, out of nowhere, I am here. My dreams of the future are now the present! WHOA!!! Where did this NEW reality come from?? A husband, two children, a dog, and making a home?? This is not what I dreamed!! It's not the perfect life, with the perfect husband, the perfect children and the perfect home!!!! It's not the flawless life you dream of, but it's SO much better!! This is my journey of growing up to be Mommy. Hopefully these posts will help me to become a better Mom and to remember by blessings on a daily basis, and I pray that these posts about my world consumed with being "Mommy" will help you realize your dreams HAVE come true too, maybe you're just too hard working to realize it!!