Women have changed and been molded into the ever changing society over the years. Many women today want to be the strong business type. Well I grew up in a small town with a large family, and I can tell you exactly who I want to be, and it has nothing to do with business or my career. I want to be the strong “family” type. If you were lucky enough to have one of these women in your life, someone to show you the person you would like to become, you are truly blessed. If you have not had a role model like this in your life, let me tell you about mine so that you can understand exactly what I am talking about.
The strong “family” type works hard for her family. Not for the gratification or for the money, but for the love and happiness that she makes for them. She cooks 3 meals a day for her family, and whether 2 or 20 show up, somehow there is always enough food for every last one. Every single person in the family thinks that they are her favorite, because that’s how she treats everyone, equally with her love, kindness, and affection. (And by the way, I was really her favorite.) She’s not naïve to the ways of the world, or the way her family lives in it, but she believes in every last ones ability to be the best person they can be. Even though she’s never had a lot of money, at Christmas time, there is a present for every single member of her family under the tree. Kind words are the only ones you ever hear her say. You can talk to her about anything and tell her everything knowing that you will not be judged and it will not be repeated. She may have to say an extra prayer for you that night, but that’s her way. She trusts and believes in God. She knows His way is the only way and trusts her life and her family to Him. She goes to church on Sunday, and hopes you will too, but if you’re not there she will not hold it against you. She loves you and prays for you just the same. When it comes to the end of her precious and touching life, she is not afraid or regretful. It is peaceful and calm, because you know exactly where she’s going and how happy she will be to get there. At the same time, it breaks your heart, because you have lost her. It’s hard to lose a beacon of light in a constantly darker world, to lose an angel.
Some people reading this already know the person I am writing about, some of you do not. Her name was Dorothy Rudean Horton, my grandmother. She left this world over 7 years ago, but for the hearts of her family and those who knew her, she lives every single day. She was the strongest most loving person I have ever known and probably ever will know. She lived and fought for her family every day she was alive and even now, it’s evident that we all still feel her loving and fighting for us. When I think of who I want to be, with my husband, children and grandchildren, she is the person I’ve always wanted to be. I can see her ways passing on to my parents, and I pray that she lives in me a little more every day. Because that’s the person I want to be, the strong “family” type. I won’t take a career with me when I’m gone, but the legacy of a strong family will not only go with me, but will live on forever. Thank you Granny, for showing me what a mother and grandmother is supposed to be. My love for you cannot be measured.
Monday, March 29, 2010
Thursday, March 11, 2010
Losing Logan
Not too many people, unless you know me pretty well, know this about me, but I have been pregnant 3 times. Ty was my first pregnancy and Taylor was my last pregnancy. In between I was pregnant with Logan. Here’s Logan’s story… every little soul deserves their own story to be told.
When I found out I was pregnant with Ty, it was a very important moment in my life, obviously. You go from being one person to being Mommy. You are so consumed with this little person inside of you! For the longest time, I wasn’t sure if I was having morning sickness or just nerves! But there’s no feeling like it. It cannot be explained or described, only experienced. Ty was born, and I was so devoted to this little man. Your love for your child is another thing that cannot be explained or described, only experienced. I was so dedicated to this little guy that had blessed my life, that I was about 7 weeks pregnant before I knew what was going on! I look back now and smile because I was a wreck! I remember being at my parents, it was Christmas eve, when I finally took a pregnancy test. My 5 ½ month old son was crawling around the living room, and I was finding out that he was going to have a little brother or sister! AHHHH! I wasn’t too happy at that moment. I called Aaron to tell him, and he was ecstatic, which shocked me even more. He said he was happy the kids were going to be so close in age and that he was looking forward to it. Me, I still wasn’t overjoyed, but the shock was wearing off and I was getting more used to the idea. Christmas went by, we told our close friends and family of our newest little surprise we were expecting and slowly began to plan and dream of this new little person that was coming. I scheduled my first doctor appointment, which I would be about 11 weeks along for, and excitement began to take the place where anxiety had once been. Aaron and I had already decided, boy or girl, this baby would be named Logan.
I started off this pregnancy with morning sickness of course, but to my surprise that only lasted about a week or so. I was SO excited, because it lasted much longer with Ty! The Friday before my doctor appointment, which was that Monday, I went shopping for a new outfit. I bought two new maternity shirts and a March of Dimes keychain at Motherhood. I loaded Ty up in the car and headed home. I stopped by Wal-Mart to get a few things and of course headed to the bathroom first thing. This is where I was met with the disturbing fact something might be wrong. I immediately called the doctor office who told me to head there right away. I called Aaron and he was on his way to meet me before I could get the words out that something might be wrong. The entire way to the doctor, I never cried, I only prayed and hoped. God has his reasons for everything, I know. I met Aaron at the doctor office and waited for what felt like an eternity. I remember the doctor coming in and doing the ultrasound. She was really quiet. Too quiet. She explained a few things to me, which I just remember replying “okay”, “okay” over and over again. Then she told me I had lost the baby. I had lost Logan. I didn’t cry. I just said “okay” again. She left the room, I looked at my Aaron, and I fell apart. The next few days were really hard. A miscarriage is a hard thing to go through, emotionally and physically. I was in a lot of pain. I remember when the physical pain would subside the emotional pain would come back. I told Aaron one time when he asked how I was that “my heart hurt”. My heart still hurts for Logan. Boy or girl doesn’t really mean a thing. That baby was my Logan. A mother’s heart always knows her children, and I knew and loved that baby.
I know many women can relate to what I’m saying. I know I am blessed with two beautiful children, and that is more than some people can say, but it doesn’t make the pain any less for my Logan. I pray that other women who have gone through this and those who will go through this, have the beautiful understanding that I have in my heart. God has a reason for it all. I was meant to shape and form my Ty and Taylor, and Logan was meant to be with Him. My little angel awaiting me on the other side. I look forward, when I move on from this life, to seeing many loved ones who have gone before me. I can imagine them standing there holding my Logan. Then it will be my turn to hold that angel baby. I can’t wait.
When I found out I was pregnant with Ty, it was a very important moment in my life, obviously. You go from being one person to being Mommy. You are so consumed with this little person inside of you! For the longest time, I wasn’t sure if I was having morning sickness or just nerves! But there’s no feeling like it. It cannot be explained or described, only experienced. Ty was born, and I was so devoted to this little man. Your love for your child is another thing that cannot be explained or described, only experienced. I was so dedicated to this little guy that had blessed my life, that I was about 7 weeks pregnant before I knew what was going on! I look back now and smile because I was a wreck! I remember being at my parents, it was Christmas eve, when I finally took a pregnancy test. My 5 ½ month old son was crawling around the living room, and I was finding out that he was going to have a little brother or sister! AHHHH! I wasn’t too happy at that moment. I called Aaron to tell him, and he was ecstatic, which shocked me even more. He said he was happy the kids were going to be so close in age and that he was looking forward to it. Me, I still wasn’t overjoyed, but the shock was wearing off and I was getting more used to the idea. Christmas went by, we told our close friends and family of our newest little surprise we were expecting and slowly began to plan and dream of this new little person that was coming. I scheduled my first doctor appointment, which I would be about 11 weeks along for, and excitement began to take the place where anxiety had once been. Aaron and I had already decided, boy or girl, this baby would be named Logan.
I started off this pregnancy with morning sickness of course, but to my surprise that only lasted about a week or so. I was SO excited, because it lasted much longer with Ty! The Friday before my doctor appointment, which was that Monday, I went shopping for a new outfit. I bought two new maternity shirts and a March of Dimes keychain at Motherhood. I loaded Ty up in the car and headed home. I stopped by Wal-Mart to get a few things and of course headed to the bathroom first thing. This is where I was met with the disturbing fact something might be wrong. I immediately called the doctor office who told me to head there right away. I called Aaron and he was on his way to meet me before I could get the words out that something might be wrong. The entire way to the doctor, I never cried, I only prayed and hoped. God has his reasons for everything, I know. I met Aaron at the doctor office and waited for what felt like an eternity. I remember the doctor coming in and doing the ultrasound. She was really quiet. Too quiet. She explained a few things to me, which I just remember replying “okay”, “okay” over and over again. Then she told me I had lost the baby. I had lost Logan. I didn’t cry. I just said “okay” again. She left the room, I looked at my Aaron, and I fell apart. The next few days were really hard. A miscarriage is a hard thing to go through, emotionally and physically. I was in a lot of pain. I remember when the physical pain would subside the emotional pain would come back. I told Aaron one time when he asked how I was that “my heart hurt”. My heart still hurts for Logan. Boy or girl doesn’t really mean a thing. That baby was my Logan. A mother’s heart always knows her children, and I knew and loved that baby.
I know many women can relate to what I’m saying. I know I am blessed with two beautiful children, and that is more than some people can say, but it doesn’t make the pain any less for my Logan. I pray that other women who have gone through this and those who will go through this, have the beautiful understanding that I have in my heart. God has a reason for it all. I was meant to shape and form my Ty and Taylor, and Logan was meant to be with Him. My little angel awaiting me on the other side. I look forward, when I move on from this life, to seeing many loved ones who have gone before me. I can imagine them standing there holding my Logan. Then it will be my turn to hold that angel baby. I can’t wait.
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